This just in from the AP Wire:
QUEENS, NEW YORK (AP) — Water samples in the area of Willets Point, Queens, have tested positive for the LOSS Virus. City officials say the contamination likely reached a saturation point approximately five days ago–though trace elements of the L Virus may indeed have been present in the water all summer.
Symptoms of LOSS contamination include dejection, lack of focus, mental lapses in crucial situations, and a profound case of what medical professionals are terming "Not Getting It Done."
Management at Shea Stadium–where the infection has been most virulent–informed local officials tonight that steps will be taken immediately to rid the water of its toxins. They have assured us that a combination of good pitching, strong offense, and sharp defensive plays will be deployed right away to fight this dangerous and pervasive epidemic.
Although experts are not able to reach a consensus on the cause of the toxic leak, they assure us that the infection is temporary and–most important of all–reversible.
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SNK requested that I return to photoshopping our Mets pitchers as pop cultural icons for luck. So here starts the Lord of the Rings edition.