"With all the pitching changes, my scorecard gets very pretty."
Man, SNY’s Keith Hernandez was getting bored, antsy, and just plain nutty last night as the Rockies blew away our Metsies. I’ve got some priceless videos of Keith’s heaving sighs, but until they’re up and live, here’s some loopy Keith dialogue to get you through the day.
Gary Cohen got it right, by the way, Keith. If you only knew!:
Keith: For all you, maybe half a dozen people who are at home watching, that are interested in this.
Gary: I think you underestimate the size of our audience, that continues to hang on your every word.
On the Fourth of July, and Keith’s wussy dog, Duncan. (Score = 15-5, Rockies):
Keith (out of nowhere): I’m worried about my dog tonight. It’s firecracker night, and he doesn’t like firecrackers.
Gary: You have your dog in the ballpark?
K: No, we got people over the house. Friends that are staying at the house. And Duncan just does not like Fourth of July.
G: Oh, you mean back at home!
K: Yes, so I called Dom, who’s watching Dunky and staying over, and I said, now you just be very gentle with Dunky. He gets very skittish on Fourth of July. I wish I could be there to comfort him, but you know, I gotta work.
G: Just a working dad. (Two and two to Tulowitzki) Well, one of my dogs, Riley, hides when there are thunderstorms. I can imagine how’d she’d do with fireworks.
K: Yes, well Dunky’s 95 pounds and all male, too. And he’s a wuss when it comes to thunder and firecrackers.
G: You should be there to comfort him. (And Tulowitzki takes ball three.)
K: We don’t let him sleep on the bed. You can imagine a 95 pound dog on the bed. That’s not happening. We didn’t let that when he was a puppy. But that’s the one night of the year that Duncan gets—he usually sleeps at the foot of the bed, on the rug. He gets on my side, up as close to my face as possible.
G: I think it’s so sweet that you call him Dunky.
K: He is Dunky.
On Keith’s vision impairment. (Score = 17 to 6, Rockies):
K: Where’s the batting averages on the scoreboard? Am I missin’ something? I see at bats, runs, hits, home runs, RBIs, where’s the average?
G: At the top.
K: Oh. Am I a blind bat?
G: Right there.
K: I’m as blind as a bat.
On a lengthy Lo Duca at bat in the 9th:
G: I mean, this is very unusual, for this point in this kind of a game, to have this kind of at bat.
K: Like Bruce Willis here.
G and K in unison: Die Hard.
G: What’s the new one? Die Hard and…
K: And like it, or whatever.
G: And go down laughing?
Go down laughing, indeed, gentlemen.
I’ll work on a mini Hernandez clip fest, but in the meantime, here’s Tootsie Keith’s beautiful wife Kai, his youngest daughter Mary, and his granddaughter (by eldest daughter Jessie, whose back we can see) Maggie. Lucky guy!